Useful information
Q. HOW CAN I SAVE MONEY ON A FUNERAL?
We would say that the first thing to do is phone around a number of funeral directors to get quotes. Independent funeral directors will be local and much more responsive to local prices and you will often find that they can help with advice about local funding. Despite what you may see on the afternoon television, the big national cremation providers will not only have many hidden clauses and extras, but they will be more expensive too. This is because they are owned by hedge funds or shareholders and need to generate large profits. A good funeral director will always be able to give you cheaper options and will work with your family where telephone receptionists in large call centres will not.
There are many things you can do yourself, so do not feel that you have to hand over everything to the care of the funeral director. All third party provisions can be found yourselves, from looking on etsy or a local printer for Orders of Service, doing them yourselves, finding your own flowers, have people bring posies from the garden, silk flowers from ebay to having the coffin taken in your own transport on the day, these are all ways not only of saving money, but being more personal. You will find that people love to help with decorations or food contributions and these things are manageable. We have had people bring loved ones in vans or campers with ribbons tied on the bumpers to even someone carving their own coffin. There are very few restrictions around funerals and you can go as YOU please.
You will find that having the service elsewhere rather than at the crematorium will save the most money as you are paying huge amounts for the use of their space. You can even have a funeral at home, or in a marquee in the garden. The other option is to have an early morning slot at the crematorium as these are cheaper, and shorter.
Things we do recommend taking professional advice about are the coffin and the celebrant. The coffin must be compatible for the cremator and a good celebrant can be the difference between a good and a terrible experience on the day. Flowers and orders of service less so.
Q. WHAT SUPPORT IS THERE FOR US AFTER A BEREAVEMENT?
There are a number of different kinds of support you may need after someone dies. Firstly, there are the practical considerations such as pensions, benefits, banks and probate. When you register the death you will need to buy about 4 death certificates as every organisation will need an original copy. This will save time on rounding up the estate.
You will need to inform relevant authorities such as banks and pensions. The following organisations can support with this.
Tell us once – this service helps to advise all government services that someone has died
We have met a couple of companies that will help you notify other services, both are free to use.
Settld is a ‘Tell Us Once’ equivalent service for individuals to notify private sector service providers.
Life Ledger is an easy-to-use platform where families can notify over 700 companies in the UK, ranging from banks and insurers to utilities and loyalty cards, from one place
We have a number of probate services that we can recommend for probate and they will be considerably cheaper than using the services of a solicitor who may charge up to 5% on the value of the estate.
The other kinds of support are of a more personal nature and there is no doubt that a bereavement can be one of the most difficult things we ever have to face. Below is a list of some organisations offering emotional support that you may find helpful.
CRUSE 0808 808 1677
SAMARITANS 116 123
TORBAY HOSPITAL BEREAVEMENT CENTRE 01803 654818
SOBS [SURVIVORS OF BEREAVEMENT BY SUICIDE] 0300 111 5065
GRIEF CHAT [COUNSELLING AND COMMUNITY] ONLINE
SANDS [INFANT BEREAVEMENT] 0808 164 3332
SUE RYDER ONLINE BEREAVEMENT COMMUNITY
WINSTONS WISH [FOR BEREAVED CHILDREN] 08088 020 021
THE GOOD GRIEF TRUST
In a society and culture where were don’t speak openly about grief, many of us don’t fully appreciate the psychological and physical feelings that we may experience. This may they also lead us to worry about whether these feelings are “normal” – we could encourage you to watch this Marie Curie video, where some people share their personal experiences.
You may or may not want support with bereavement; everyone is different, and some people wish to grieve privately whereas others may find it helpful to get support from friends, family or professionals who have relevant skills and experience.
If you feel that you may benefit from some additional support, your GP may be able to refer you to local support groups or counselling services and if you are employed, your company may offer an “Employee Assistance Program” which may be able to offer you support.
Q. SHOULD WE CHOOSE A BURIAL OR CREMATION?
You will find that cremation is by far the cheapest option for a funeral as it is the price of land for burial that is becoming prohibitive. Many church burial grounds are closed for new burials and council burial grounds are likely to be your only option. If you want an alternative, there are some beautiful natural burial grounds that are often cheaper but there are rules that must be followed, for example no grave marking is allowed, and everything that goes into the ground must be biodegradable. This will suit you if you are looking for a more ‘green’ way to go and it is always worth buying a plot in advance as the price for them will only increase.
Local natural burial grounds are below
The Sharpham Trust
With stunning views over the River Dart and across the South Hams, offering burials and interment of ashes, your loved one can be laid to rest in Devon’s iconic South Hams. The Sharpham Trust estates’ woodland burial site is kept as a hay meadow for the majority of the year and is only cut periodically, therefore, only simple flat headstones are permitted.
Bidwell Wood Burial Site
Bidewell Wood burial site is an established woodland, with a mix of wildflowers, shrubs, wild plants, insects, birds and other animals who have all made this woodland their home. The wood has various benches where you can go and enjoy the relaxing and peaceful burial site.
Torbay Coast & Countryside Trust
Offering panoramic views of Torbay and its glorious coastline, the Torbay Coast & Countryside Trust is part of Conqueror Wood with panoramic views over the whole of Torbay, with open glades and paths with views of the sea.
Crossways Woodland
The three-acre maturing woodland that is Crossways Woodland is tucked away down a quiet lane, but perched on the brow of a hill with views across Dartmoor, the burial site is tranquil and undisturbed.
Having built great relationships and connections with these and several woodland burial sites across Devon, we can work closely with you to help you find the right woodland burial site for your loved one. All sites are easily accessible and can be visited throughout the year.
Q. WHAT IS THE DIFFERENCE BETWEEN AND A RELIGIOUS AND NON-RELIGIOUS FUNERAL?
If you want a fully religious service then a church/mosque/synagogue would be your first option with an appropriate religious leader, however you will find that most religious leaders will be open to some of your own input, such as a family eulogy, music and readings. You can also have a religious service at the crematorium but they are usually a little shorter. Where the text is the formal liturgy, hymns, music, readings and poetry choices can make the service more personal.
Although we live in an increasingly secular society we have found that most people still hold various religious and spiritual beliefs even if they are unclear exactly what they may be – and are unaffiliated to any particular denomination. We think that a funeral service should fully reflect the beliefs and values of the person who has died and some more liberal vicars as well as independent celebrants will talk to you about these and tailor the service to fit you and your family. Thus, you can have a services that recognises both a theistic God and a belief in reincarnation as the celebrant will write the service from scratch. You do not have to choose one or the other, but can combine religious and non-religious elements.
There are many ways you can represent different spiritual beliefs from the choice of the flowers, to pictures on the order of service or the coffin, special items to feature in the space or various rituals such as lighting candles or incense. These can be more traditional or you as a family may want to create your own. A good celebrant should be able to help with ideas for these. You may also with to combine a few that help give your service as sense of tradition as well as something more modern such as using The Lord’s Prayer and a secular poem.
This is your funeral service and there are no legal restrictions. If you want to have rave music and glow sticks that’s absolutely fine. These days, most crematoria and celebrants will have seen all sorts so do not feel inhibited in asking when you are discussing the arrangements.
Q. DO I REALLY GET THE RIGHT ASHES?
The short answer is, yes you do. A cremation is a very well run and organised process with careful procedures to make sure that you really do get the ashes of the person who has died, and only their ashes. Most crematoria have yearly open days where the public is invited to come and have a look ‘round the back’ and see how it is all done. There is also a very good video made at the crematorium at Plymouth called ‘Do I Get the Right Ashes?’
Q. WHAT CAN I DO WITH THE ASHES?
In the UK there are no real regulatory procedures required by law for the dispersal of ashes. Many people like to make the scattering into a ceremonial event as a final laying to rest for the person back into nature and it can be a time of gentle closure.
You may choose to have the ashes interred in a burial ground where you can have a small plaque and you could also have a tree with an ashes burial at a natural burial ground, please talk to us if you are interested in these.
Otherwise you can have a scattering at sea with a special biodegradable urn, or even a mini viking longboat sent off containing the ashes, which will burn away until it sinks naturally. See link here
If you choose to scatter in nature at a special place please remember that ashes are inert and inhibit growth of plants so you will need to scatter thinly and over a wide area so that they can be easily integrated into the ecology of the soil without damage. A scatter tube for your ashes will make this easier and are available in lovely designs from us.
Many people like to have a small amount of the ashes made into keepsake items, jewellery or even sent off in fireworks.
We can assist with all these and recommend ‘Ashley’s Ashes’ for the personal touch. Click here.
Q. WHAT CAN I DO TO BE MORE INVOLVED IN THE FUNERAL?
Every family is different, and everyone has a different way of dealing with the funeral. Certainly, there are no legal requirements that stop you from being involved in all aspects, barring a cremation itself. Some families like to step back and have the funeral director do everything, and the celebrant lead the service and some families find that being involved as much as possible helps them process what has happened. We are here to support you with whatever YOU want, and will be led by you.
These are a few of the things you can do, or be supported with:
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Washing, wrapping or dressing the person in preparation for the ceremony either before removal or at the funeral home
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Keeping the person at home for a few days
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Helping to carry the person/coffin at any point
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Driving the person to the ceremony location in your own vehicle of choice
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Digging or infilling a grave
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Sourcing your own flowers, Orders of Service or other ceremony items including candles and photos
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Helping to make a willow coffin [Musgrove Willows Coffins only]
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Making your own shroud
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Finding an alternative venue for a ceremony or even having the funeral at home
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Leading your own service
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Choosing and/or reading poems/readings and music, or doing the eulogy, a photo slide show or video.
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Leading a ritual during the service such as lighting a candle
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Singing or performing music
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Laying flowers during the service
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Decorating the coffin in any way you like
The most important thing is that this is for YOUR family and we are not ‘in charge’. We aim to keep communication as open as possible, and we like to say ‘yes, you can’. Please talk to us if you want any more detailed advice.
There are many grief podcasts available, and we have listed a few for you to consider. You may find that some resonate more with you than others so you might like to try a few different ones before deciding which one you find most helpful.
Griefcast: Funny People Talking About Death – hosted by Cariad Lloyd it describes itself as considering the “human experience of grief and death”. It has won many awards and it very highly regarded.
Terrible, Thanks For Asking – hosted by Nora McInerny, this grief podcast focuses on talking honestly about pain, awkwardness and loss
Good Grief – hosted by Sam Sabin is a serialized podcast where she shares her own everyday experience of grief and loss.
What’s Your Grief – this fabulous grief podcasts describes itself as “gabbing about grief”, “chatting about coping” and “gossiping with the grief gals”
Grief Out Loud – hosted by Jana DeCristofaro welcomes us to open up the often avoided conversation about death and grief and shares stories and practical tips with listeners.
Grief Relief – hosted byMoe Provencher describes itself as talking “with people about loss and the ways it changes us – our bodies, our behaviour, our minds, our hearts, our lives”.
Coming Back: Life After Loss – hosted by Shelby Forsythia (Intuitive Grief Guide), explores the ideas, resources, and stories that help us “come back” to life after death, divorce, illness and other losses.
A Safe Place to Breathe – Conversations about Love, Life, Loss, and Grief – In our Full Circle grief podcast, we speak to people who have first-hand experience.
